We met almost 13 years ago through a same-sex dating website and felt an instant connection. Soon after, we started living together and with time our love blossomed. Five years into our relationship, we chose to come out, first to our sisters and then to our parents. It was a difficult reality for our middle class, small-town parents but with time and effort they understood our love and became our strongest support system.
While we have distinct personalities, we have similar values. More than anything else, we both harboured a strong desire to be fathers. But we had no idea how or whether it would ever be possible. Our journey to fatherhood started when we got our first furry baby home and then the second. However, we continued to yearn to become fathers to human babies too. The pandemic made us realise the fragility of life and made us determined to not further delay our fatherhood journey . We shared this thought with our immediate families. They warned us to be completely sure of our decision as it was a life-changing one and had social implications too. Once they were sure of our determination, they wholeheartedly supported our decision and this meant a lot to us.
After evaluating all possibilities, we chose to go for surrogacy . This was late 2020, more than a year before the surrogacy laws of the country were amended (single men and women are not allowed surrogacy since December 2021). We were blessed with a boy and girl in June 2021 and life changed forever. The memory of the day we first held them in our arms still leaves us with happy tears.
From day one, we have been learning how to handle infants and with every passing day we keep getting better. Right from giving them a massage and a bath to feeding them at regular intervals (not to forget burping them after every feed) and singing lullabies while putting them to bed to getting them ready for school every morning, we learnt everything on the job. Both our parents were also elated to become grandparents. They have been of great help to us, both physically and mentally. Seeing our septuagenarian parents relive their childhood with our grandkids brings us extreme joy.
Now, our babies are a little more than three years old. At every milestone of the journey, we have been absolutely open about our family and haven’t hidden anything from anyone. Yes, there have been occasional raised eyebrows and some fleeting comments here and there, but we have largely been well-accepted by people around us. One of the most beautiful experiences happened during the ‘Family Day’ function at our kids’ school when we stood on the stage and shared our story in front of more than 100 so-called conventional parents. Everyone in the audience appreciated our journey and till date we haven’t been treated differently by anyone at school.
Another heartwarming experience was when our son, while watching an animated series on Bal Ganesha, shared with someone that like Ganeshji has Shivji and Parvati Mata, we have daddy and papa. Our babies are small now and we are sure someday we will have to explain our unconventional family to them. We hope to gradually introduce them to our story. We also realise they might have to answer some questions outside too and for that we are giving them the right upbringing and the value systems which will empower them to chart their journeys. As parents, we will always be with them and by them.
We are extremely proud of our family. We live in Bengaluru with both sets of parents, our human babies and our furry babies under the same roof. It is a multicultural family as one of us is Bengali and one Punjabi . Our kids are growing up in a wholesome atmosphere. We celebrate Durga Pujo and Lohri with equal fervour. They speak Bengali, Hindi, English and a bit of Kannada too. They enjoy their fish curry as much as their kadi chawal. They are growing up under the love and care of two doting fathers and two amazing sets of grandparents. They also have a lovely extended family of aunts, uncles and cousins who are part of our lives too — we all come together to celebrate every festival. Our family might be unconventional, but it is beautifully complete.
Basu is a retail professional. Kalra is a SAP architect.
While we have distinct personalities, we have similar values. More than anything else, we both harboured a strong desire to be fathers. But we had no idea how or whether it would ever be possible. Our journey to fatherhood started when we got our first furry baby home and then the second. However, we continued to yearn to become fathers to human babies too. The pandemic made us realise the fragility of life and made us determined to not further delay our fatherhood journey . We shared this thought with our immediate families. They warned us to be completely sure of our decision as it was a life-changing one and had social implications too. Once they were sure of our determination, they wholeheartedly supported our decision and this meant a lot to us.
After evaluating all possibilities, we chose to go for surrogacy . This was late 2020, more than a year before the surrogacy laws of the country were amended (single men and women are not allowed surrogacy since December 2021). We were blessed with a boy and girl in June 2021 and life changed forever. The memory of the day we first held them in our arms still leaves us with happy tears.
From day one, we have been learning how to handle infants and with every passing day we keep getting better. Right from giving them a massage and a bath to feeding them at regular intervals (not to forget burping them after every feed) and singing lullabies while putting them to bed to getting them ready for school every morning, we learnt everything on the job. Both our parents were also elated to become grandparents. They have been of great help to us, both physically and mentally. Seeing our septuagenarian parents relive their childhood with our grandkids brings us extreme joy.
Now, our babies are a little more than three years old. At every milestone of the journey, we have been absolutely open about our family and haven’t hidden anything from anyone. Yes, there have been occasional raised eyebrows and some fleeting comments here and there, but we have largely been well-accepted by people around us. One of the most beautiful experiences happened during the ‘Family Day’ function at our kids’ school when we stood on the stage and shared our story in front of more than 100 so-called conventional parents. Everyone in the audience appreciated our journey and till date we haven’t been treated differently by anyone at school.
Another heartwarming experience was when our son, while watching an animated series on Bal Ganesha, shared with someone that like Ganeshji has Shivji and Parvati Mata, we have daddy and papa. Our babies are small now and we are sure someday we will have to explain our unconventional family to them. We hope to gradually introduce them to our story. We also realise they might have to answer some questions outside too and for that we are giving them the right upbringing and the value systems which will empower them to chart their journeys. As parents, we will always be with them and by them.
We are extremely proud of our family. We live in Bengaluru with both sets of parents, our human babies and our furry babies under the same roof. It is a multicultural family as one of us is Bengali and one Punjabi . Our kids are growing up in a wholesome atmosphere. We celebrate Durga Pujo and Lohri with equal fervour. They speak Bengali, Hindi, English and a bit of Kannada too. They enjoy their fish curry as much as their kadi chawal. They are growing up under the love and care of two doting fathers and two amazing sets of grandparents. They also have a lovely extended family of aunts, uncles and cousins who are part of our lives too — we all come together to celebrate every festival. Our family might be unconventional, but it is beautifully complete.
Basu is a retail professional. Kalra is a SAP architect.
